I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
