I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
