how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
