My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
