Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
