me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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