end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
