What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
