She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
