I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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