Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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