when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
