Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
