my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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