we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
