Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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