we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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