I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
