if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
