Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
