We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
