GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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