i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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