Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
