He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
