I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
