Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
