my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
