glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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