i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
