if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
