Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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