she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
