So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
