Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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