..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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