I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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