found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
