So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
