You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
