If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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