pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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