I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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