You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
