nut hugger
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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