I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
