no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
