I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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