I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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