were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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