last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
